Pondering Love & Connection

love-connectionConnection is the most crucial element in relationship but most often overlooked.

Recently, I’ve been thinking… thinking… and thinking a lot. Sleepless nights gone me crazy. Times where in you cannot even express yourself into words. Days where you choose to be alone and just be quiet.

And unknowingly, I came to point to maybe break the silence. Write something. Like your fingers wont stop on hitting the keyboard.

Then I saw myself writing this, my 10 insights about LOVE & CONNECTION.  Do the judgement, I’m just expressing myself.

1.”I choose you.” This is the foundation of all healthy relationships, including God’s relationship with us. Jesus chose you, and He even chose you when you were His enemy, dead in sin. His choice was not dependent upon your choice.
If all of our relationships are based solely on our natural impulse to return liking for liking, then we’re going to have problems. Liking is a conditional state. It changes. Making “You choose me” the foundation for a relationship dooms it to change, and probably collapse the minute one person’s liking happens to turn south. “I choose you” has to be the foundation if we want to build a relationship that will thrive and last.

2. The first thing that reveals a powerless mindset is powerless language.

“I can’t.”
“I have to…”
These are the hallmark of the powerless person. The defining force of the powerless person is anxiety. Life is scary when you live in a world where you believe most things and most people are more powerful than you are, where you feel out of control. And this fear usually leads to irresponsibility, like blaming others for why you’re out of control.

3. Each display of love, no matter how seemingly small, is a powerful spiritual weapon that removes anxiety from the environment and replaces it with freedom and safety. Love always invites others to bring their best forward in a relationship. Scared people are bound to show you their worst, but people who feel loved will usually show you their best.

4. Powerful people can say both “yes” and “no” and mean it. Their language is not swayed by the pressure or mistakes of others. They say, “I will. I do. I am.” And when powerful people say, “I love you,” there is nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. Powerful people can say “yes” to the priority of connection with those they love–and they can say “no” to anything that threatens that priority.
If you choose to love someone, do you feel entitled to receive his or her love in return?

5. God practices healthy communication with you. How is God going to lead you with His eye? He can’t control you with His eye–and that is the point. Instead of controlling you, He shows you how He feels about the choices you’re making. The eyes are the windows of the heart. When God shows you how your choices affect His heart and your connection with Him, then you get to choose how you will respond to this information.

6. You can be powerful in many areas of your life but still be a powerless victim in your relationships. Here’s the thing. everywhere you go, there you are. Unless you repent and pursue being powerful, you will continue to create a reality in which you refuse to take responsibility for your life and blame others for your choices. It is a lie that other people create your reality. You always have a choice of how you will respond to others, that that choice can either be a powerful, responsible, loving choice, or a powerless, irresponsible, fearful choice.

7. In each of your relationships, you should ask, “Is my goal to create a safe connection or a safe distance?” Pursuing the goal of connection will bring you right up against the real conflict that lives at the core of every relationship. It is a spiritual battle drawn between the two most powerful forces that drive you. fear and love. If you want to be a powerful person, capable of intimate relationships, then it is absolutely vital that you learn how these forces operate and align yourself with love.

8. It’s natural to fear pain and seek to avoid it. But allowing the fear of pain to shape your approach to relationships will lead to disconnection. Instead of pursuing the goal of connection, you will seek to create a “safe distance” from others by either running away or trying to control them so that they won’t hurt you. If you want to protect your relational connections, you must not let the fear of pain make your decisions.

9. Instinctive fear-based reactions, which generally fall into the categories of “fight, flight, or freeze,” do not bring out the best in human beings. On a social level, oppression, injustice, racism, war, and most other human problems can be traced back to the instinctive fear of people who are different. On a personal level, fear-based reactions cause most misunderstandings and hurt relationships.

10. The first truth to accept in learning to respond in love is that you cannot control other people. The only person you can control, on a good day, is yourself. This is the fundamental principle of human freedom. Without choice, you don’t have freedom. More importantly, you don’t have love, which requires freedom. God chose you, loves you, and wants you to choose Him and love Him in return. This is why He gave you a free choice, even though it necessarily meant risking the rejection and devastation of a disconnected relationship.

Thank you for reading!!!

❤ JE

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